he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
