woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize