You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
