Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize