I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
