I'm gonna have a badass scar
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
