first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
