Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize