I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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