I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
