p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
