Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
