who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
