Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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