I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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