I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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