At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
