I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
