I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
