I accidentally had phone sex last night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
