If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize