It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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