I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
