apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
