Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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