its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
