I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
