I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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