Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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