How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
