found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize