stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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