I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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