Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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