ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize