if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
