Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
