We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
