he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
