either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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