May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
