Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
