What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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