You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
