dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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