Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
