I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize