she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize