I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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