Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
