i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
