What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My bed smells like the plague
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize