Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize