Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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