I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize