I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
