you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
