Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
