So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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