Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You took a bar mat shot.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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