but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
