to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
