I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
