just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
