My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
