They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
