I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize