If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
