Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
