defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
