Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
