There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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