clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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