Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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