Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
