my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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