Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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