youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
