South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
